Your Manor Lake Australian Labradoodle’s Horoscope

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horoscope_fall08

sagittarius
Sagittarius(Nov 22 to Dec 21) Sure, you top the list for rec room affairs with a warm keg of Bowser beer in the corner, but if you hanker for higher-class invites, move beyond your frat-brat antics (drinking from the toilet bowl is a definite faux paw) and hope your cleaned-up act lands you on swankier guest lists.

capricorn
Capricorn(Dec 22 to Jan 19) Sadly, your rep from last year’s office party has stuck with you. Expect others to watch with bated breath as you skirt the boss’ wife and the bean dip. The only thing to do now is pretend you don’t notice Larry from Accounts Receivable snickering at you and bypass the circulating tray of muttinis to prevent further disasters.

aquarius
Aquarius(Jan 20 to Feb 18) Sure, sure, you say it’s love but lets call it what it is—plain old animal magnetism. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but you may want to put the brakes on all the talk of holy muttrimony. And, for heaven’s sake, don’t tempt fate with a trip to Vegas, lest you return home wed by a Bulldog in an Elvis costume.

pisces
Pisces(Feb 19 to March 20) Though you might not be making the final cut on So You Think You Can Dance, if you think about it, the splits are down-right impossible with four legs. And if your owner didn’t keep screwing up your freestyle moves, (you want to pop, she’s all about contemporary), well, really, the sky would be the limit…

aries
Aries(March 21 to Apr 19) If you plan on easing into the New Year with a little grace, keep in mind these three simple yet effective mantras: your new best friend is NOT a stinky sock fetched from the dirty laundry bin; “snacks” ought not to be filched from the kitty litter box (seriously); and Eau de P.U. is not a designer cologne. How simple the path to greater social finesse.

taurus
Taurus(Apr 20 to May 20) So you went a little wild and crazy at the dog park last week. Everyone else was drinking the puddle water, too, right? It’s not like they’ll remember when you wiped out in the mud outside the dog run (or so you tell yourself). Just take it easy next time round.

gemini
Gemini(May 21 to June 20) Once again, you go overboard on gifts: a chewed up newspaper for the neighbours; a freshly-tracked-in smell impregnated into the carpet fibers; a fine layer of dog hair on the couch. Nothing like giving a piece of yourself. You’re nothing if not thoughtful.

cancer
Cancer(June 21 to July 22) A suggestion: Re-lax. Walks are starting to become a chore for everyone involved, what with all the leash-straining, warning barking at nothing, rampant urine marking, and the sneaking up on and scaring of other walkers. Sheesh. Walk-time can be fun again—if you let it.

leo
Leo(July 23 to Aug 22) You apply yourself to higher pursuits (Contemplation of string theory, Aristolean philosophical debate) but all you get in return is “Get your toy! Where’s your toy? Get your toy!” Don’t lose heart; a life of the mind is its own reward.

virgo
Virgo(Aug 23 to Sept 22) All this talk about “it’s a dog’s life” is really starting to irk you. Don’t they realize how busy you are? It takes serious vigilance to spot the courier at 20 paces and bark the alert. Ditto for lurching at squirrels viewed out the corner of your eye. And what of the gastric fortitude necessary for sampling just about anything found on the sidewalk? How ‘bout some credit already?

libra
Libra(Sept 23 to Oct 22) With gainful employment your goal for the New Year, a taking stock is in order. Topping your skill set list? A beautiful singing voice, a mean sit-stay, and undeniable photogenic-ness. Looks like you might want to be packing your bags for Hollywoof.

scorpio
Scorpio(Oct 23 to Nov 21) You are doing everything you can to rectify the bum rap your brethren get as “stinky dogs.” You are the pinnacle of good grooming, never showing up anywhere in less than impeccable dress. Even the late night round-the-block necessitates an outfit change. Thank goodness someone is elevating the bar.

aries1
Aries(March 21 to Apr 19) If you plan on easing into the New Year with a little grace, keep in mind these three simple yet effective mantras: your new best friend is NOT a stinky sock fetched from the dirty laundry bin; “snacks” ought not to be filched from the kitty litter box (seriously); and Eau de P.U. is not a designer cologne. How simple the path to greater social finesse.

http://www.moderndogmagazine.com
Illustrations by Jess Golden Illustrations and Kathy Weller

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